wings of air

Cold stares are the finale I came to witness, there my motions surround me out of body. The stale old iron rusting to the humming ending of that is me. The blinds come down, as is the last full moon of the winters. The reflection of my dying wish fade into the cracks, under an ailing bridge for safe keeping. The last letter of comands send to the angel of the heaven, not the seventh but the fifth to carry my soul into the chamber of question asking for the reasons of my reason for that which I have become. I am lifted into wings of air not contious of the thrilling horror that come with judgment. The fusion of isolation as I am placed in solitude. The wimpers of deep dark darkness circle me darker than the darkest night with no moon. Dark as the eye’s of an owl, dark as the hate of deseption, darker than opression, darker than depression, darker that the blood taken of innocent freedom. darker that war, darker that the count of bodies. darker than the feeling of alone. I am there waiting for my turn to speak my truth, and explain my existance to find a reward I may not deserve.

short lived.

You left me, you walked away, I wish you never came

You broke my heart, you shred it apart, you went to those other people

do they know your name, did they struggle with you laugh with you, did they know your sane

watch my tear fall like hail and rain

out of this I lost and you got all the gain

I hate to feel anguish, sorrow and pain

These past years you’ve become, cold, far and vane

I’m a leave, swerve in and out the lane

Die with no pain

Heart with no love, eyes’ so cold, soul quiet , room silent, anger so violent

Kick the wall in ,vent, I wrote this letter but never sent

My life has become empty and worthless, just plain

To you I shift all the blame

I wish everything was nice and happy I wish it was the same

I forgot what you look like, how about you do you even remember my name?

unhappi

It would be hard to walk away, it’s something I had to do even when I didn’t want to
I never forgot about you

Life threw me aside, stomped on me I don’t know why
This never seemed to get better, I think I should pray more, be more censer and clever.

I want to run from my pain and start again, start over, maybe then I’ll be happy, and I can recover
I know I always keep everything inside, build up, I’m just not yappy
I feel hurt, alone and frustrated, I feel scared, angry and just exasperated.

I sit here and wonder if this is all life has to offer. I made plans but they don’t seem to work.
Most of the time I dream or better days, other days I just feel like a jerk.

what can break you from the cycle and give you hope, fill you with dreams, love and passion, compassion, empathy, sympathy, glory and pride,  morals,values and conquer all you can stride.

I want to believe, I want to work. I don’t know what to do with all the bricks on my shoulder. All the baggage I’ve been carrying seems to hold me down. I’m not ready to forgive, No ready to forget, no ready to smile, not ready to laugh, no ready to take, and instead crack

There is so much I lack
I dont trust those around me I feel like they are all wack, full of jack. I always feel like I’m on the attack
Can someone appretiate me and present me with a plank

Space of Error

Searing with confusion. A lush of feelings are veining my hands as I try to grasp my head with a toggle. Whisk backwards and close my eyes coping with the pressure of love. Is it love or the debut I have been subconsciously waiting for. When you are young, the process of learning and the learning process are two different things too big to comprehend yet too obvious to ignore. The miscalculated routes of unexpected situations leave you to the wolves to tackle the prize of the day…

lone.

Your never familiar with a feeling until you feel it, digging into you with a sharp axe. Blistering your arteries, and puncturing your organs. The feeling of loneliness, not the one where you feel alone, but the one you feel hopeless of being alone, unloved and paining away though the scraps of life trying to mend yourself to enable your survival of the dry heat of it all. An over whelming feeling of sorrow, of blank stare. you feel no need, no reason you get up, to talk to think to walk or to love only because love is the pain stabbing effect of emotion.

You can’t escape, you’re like a excaged hostage, willing though your boned body unable to adapt, unable to nurtion the leftovers of your self. It’s a sad image to see, a more sad piece to hear gingling in your ear like a rining ciren warning you of the black undershadow of it. Your hands, legs num too much to move, not strong enough to find the will to survive. I am a soul on the earth, alone and cold. They ran out of cotten warmth, no more, no more.

Philosophy

The Philosophy of Life

These are some of my thoughts on life, love, dreams, egos’s and so forth. I want to share my thoughts will you? Go ahead and read.

1. Life is a game. The winner of that game is the one who has the guts to make the biggest moves, and play the biggest players.
2. It is not important whether your dream is neither big nor small, it is of the most importance that you have a dream.
3. What does it mean to be great? Is it your philosophy? Your money? Your pride? Your wisdom? Your accomplishment? Who has the right to set the standard for greatness?
4. Greatness is the respect you hold for yourself inside and out. Is it your thought of your possibilities. Your hope and your desire make you a great one within.
5. What makes you great is the courage to stand alone with your believes. To look into your enemies eyes and tell the truth. To die with the reality you made your dreams come true.
6. Some people lie to tell you the truth, and some people lie to cover a lie.
7. Some people tell you the truth just to lie. And some people tell you the truth just to hurt you.
8. You get hurt to learn a lesson. You some times get hurt to be humbled.
9. Being honest is not to tell the truth, Honesty is only but the intention of telling the truth.
10. Loyalty is not an act of faith. It is the notion of following who you are in some else’s foot steps.
11. Forgiveness is not an act of grace, but courage of a warrior. It is not easy to forgive. Truly forgiving is erasing the past, it is the object of comforting the future.
12. Being alone is not lonely; being lonely is when you are with out a heart.
13. Your best friend is not a friend, but a part of your other half.
14. A story is not a story when it has a happy beginning, middle and end. A story is a story when is has a happy beginning, a sad middle, and an unknown end.
15. Don’t be offended is you hear your painful truth. Your truth was your past, is your present, and will be your future.
16. Wanting to be rich might not be the greed for money, but greed of power. Being rich might only be a feeling you where looking for, the money was just extra.
17. Fame you want is not the money you want; it’s the ego or your imagination you will get. It is the character or your character.
18. Being young is the biggest opportunity to lay a might on this world. To take advantage of this opportunity is the definition of success.

Whatdoudo

What do you do when your stuck in a time in your life were you can’t do anything, you are paralyzed, to bow to your present and accept it, while blissfully hoping for a better tomorrow, only underneath you are a sad lonely depressed raging fire, who hates the world? Its suicide to feel hopeless, but even worse is being hopeless and knowing it. Living in a place where you have no control over your own life, and know the person who does have no idea what they are doing. Only selfless little fucks who think they know it all, have the answer to all, but most importantly believe the world should evolve around them. They are freaks of their own; you have been victimized by life and find it upon them selves to pay-up the favor. They think they are right, while the rest of us don’t have a clue. It is self pity to think so highly of yourself only to find you a weak little abandoned kitten, eating shit out of a dump. You are a missing soul, no one wants you; you are evil, and dirty.

The funny, yet best thing about life is that everything turns around. What you do in life, good or bad, will always come back and bite you in the ass. I like that. I try to do good as much as I can, with an open heart. I am waiting for my turn in life where I can be happy and I can do what I want, and I can fulfill my dreams. The unknown is truly the biggest fear, and fear is the bigger fear. I want to be stronger and rise higher, and prove everyone wrong. I want to hail and shine, rise and float. It’s difficult when life seems so slow, yet fast, and before you know it. Your life is flashing before you. I wonder if my dreams will ever come true. I wonder if I will ever be happy. Most days, I try not to think of it. I am tired of being depressed, and it’s much easier being in denial. I want so much, I wonder if it’s just too good to be true. I know I am strong and smart. I know I am different, and shine through. I will make it. I don’t know if karma will be on my side with this one. I hope it will. I am ranting, and I don’t know where to go with this. I only know that I have dreams and I am waiting for them to come to the door. I don’t mind doing the work as long as I get what I want. Life is shitty sometimes, the little moment make it special. I never realized that until I grew up. The special moments are candid and warming. I wish I can live my life in life’s little moments and smile through the adversity.

I am women, and I like to believe I am strong. I guess god tests me. I hope I am passing. My head is not where it’s supposed to be. I can’t focus anymore, and I am more tense and nervous. I don’t like where I am. I don’t trust many people; I keep most things to my self. I know my dad will betray me, he has before and he always will. Even though I have a family I don’t believe I can rely on them, and feel alone in this world. They will not do me good. They are in their own worlds and think about themselves. Each of us will walk a different path, and end up far away. I know.

dead.

Death and death in which I do not know

What is life has to offer that it has not shown

A shadow of what is me and if not, I will rise and shine like no other has done

I am weak, I am strong, and I am all what is in-between

I see and feel the end is near; the forbidden love has killed me

I can not hide though I am here; I hover over the shadows of the sad yester year

I grace over and over the books and read love is no but a myth of fate

My fate is vein it is deep and dark, clear and horror I can not hold back

I don’t know if I can come close to it enough

It shines too bright I am blinded with it

I am covered in rain as I flout away, slowly and surly I cry my good tears

They come along not knowing what if

It is happy to show I am strong in the end

DefineFreedom.

Notice when you watch a horse tracking through the winds, their long beads of hair wrestling the current. It seems like the true meaning of freedom. Like a flow of a surging happiness that no one can ever have, no matter how strong.

A small insect seems like a pathetic entity of nothing, but in reality a free being of god roaming the earth to endless life. The invisible lines that define us are bars of control destroying our birthed creativity. Stolen by age, and bound by cultural idiocy.

You wonder who are. And think if you are who you seem. If it was a mistaken thought and you are really a molecule smaller that the particles of air, another song went unsung.

Take a breath and smile. This life is what you got, but nothing you wanted. All along you wanted something, but never thought it was possible, but you still want it and you know it .It is yours to have. You wonder if you want the right thing. What is right and what is wrong was defined by the laws that seem to have been written by this earth that has taken us to a far.

Evil Hero (part 1)

Part 1: Understanding the Devil

No, I’m not insane. Take your emotions out of the equation, think rationally, think with no heart.

Before I start writing, I looked up the definition of a hero, though many; the definition that feeds my goal can be summed as someone who fights for a cause. Not necessarily a good cause, a positive kind, genuine cause, but a cause nor good or bad.

A hero can be a person who fights for what they believe in, whither it is against your better belief. A hero can  be someone who achieves the impossible task of power. Power is corrupt, money is evil, power is corrupt. The struggle of any human to the top of the hierarchy is a heroic act of it’s won. Why? Because they have faced the demons of life, or reality, or metal emotion, or society. They scrapped the crap off toilets, and had their faces scraped with crap. They lived in poverty, they walked barefoot. Despite all evils of life they swerved, took a U turn into power. Not beautifying their actions, but admiring the wit of evil to commit anything.

They gambled with souls, they puzzled innocence. There was no force of evil more evil, ever inhabiting the earth other than Adolf Hitler. Before we get into analysis of the character of a monster, let’s state some facts that do quality as odd defying odds categorized as an accomplishment. Each evil hero came pushed though the odds of:

1. Dysfunctional family (abandoned by father/mother), abusive step-parent.
2. Abused, tarnished mother.
3. Poor and/or Poverty stricken.
4. Educational disputes (leave school, bullied, etc), rejected from Educational institute.
5. Homeless, struggling in early adult life.

Through my struggle to understand the human fate I realize that the evil are the most passionate and emotional struggling with their own emotions coming with the pain of the past and justifying a place in the present and future proving their capabilities to those who doubted and laughed.