Whatdoudo

What do you do when your stuck in a time in your life were you can’t do anything, you are paralyzed, to bow to your present and accept it, while blissfully hoping for a better tomorrow, only underneath you are a sad lonely depressed raging fire, who hates the world? Its suicide to feel hopeless, but even worse is being hopeless and knowing it. Living in a place where you have no control over your own life, and know the person who does have no idea what they are doing. Only selfless little fucks who think they know it all, have the answer to all, but most importantly believe the world should evolve around them. They are freaks of their own; you have been victimized by life and find it upon them selves to pay-up the favor. They think they are right, while the rest of us don’t have a clue. It is self pity to think so highly of yourself only to find you a weak little abandoned kitten, eating shit out of a dump. You are a missing soul, no one wants you; you are evil, and dirty.

The funny, yet best thing about life is that everything turns around. What you do in life, good or bad, will always come back and bite you in the ass. I like that. I try to do good as much as I can, with an open heart. I am waiting for my turn in life where I can be happy and I can do what I want, and I can fulfill my dreams. The unknown is truly the biggest fear, and fear is the bigger fear. I want to be stronger and rise higher, and prove everyone wrong. I want to hail and shine, rise and float. It’s difficult when life seems so slow, yet fast, and before you know it. Your life is flashing before you. I wonder if my dreams will ever come true. I wonder if I will ever be happy. Most days, I try not to think of it. I am tired of being depressed, and it’s much easier being in denial. I want so much, I wonder if it’s just too good to be true. I know I am strong and smart. I know I am different, and shine through. I will make it. I don’t know if karma will be on my side with this one. I hope it will. I am ranting, and I don’t know where to go with this. I only know that I have dreams and I am waiting for them to come to the door. I don’t mind doing the work as long as I get what I want. Life is shitty sometimes, the little moment make it special. I never realized that until I grew up. The special moments are candid and warming. I wish I can live my life in life’s little moments and smile through the adversity.

I am women, and I like to believe I am strong. I guess god tests me. I hope I am passing. My head is not where it’s supposed to be. I can’t focus anymore, and I am more tense and nervous. I don’t like where I am. I don’t trust many people; I keep most things to my self. I know my dad will betray me, he has before and he always will. Even though I have a family I don’t believe I can rely on them, and feel alone in this world. They will not do me good. They are in their own worlds and think about themselves. Each of us will walk a different path, and end up far away. I know.

dead.

Death and death in which I do not know

What is life has to offer that it has not shown

A shadow of what is me and if not, I will rise and shine like no other has done

I am weak, I am strong, and I am all what is in-between

I see and feel the end is near; the forbidden love has killed me

I can not hide though I am here; I hover over the shadows of the sad yester year

I grace over and over the books and read love is no but a myth of fate

My fate is vein it is deep and dark, clear and horror I can not hold back

I don’t know if I can come close to it enough

It shines too bright I am blinded with it

I am covered in rain as I flout away, slowly and surly I cry my good tears

They come along not knowing what if

It is happy to show I am strong in the end

DefineFreedom.

Notice when you watch a horse tracking through the winds, their long beads of hair wrestling the current. It seems like the true meaning of freedom. Like a flow of a surging happiness that no one can ever have, no matter how strong.

A small insect seems like a pathetic entity of nothing, but in reality a free being of god roaming the earth to endless life. The invisible lines that define us are bars of control destroying our birthed creativity. Stolen by age, and bound by cultural idiocy.

You wonder who are. And think if you are who you seem. If it was a mistaken thought and you are really a molecule smaller that the particles of air, another song went unsung.

Take a breath and smile. This life is what you got, but nothing you wanted. All along you wanted something, but never thought it was possible, but you still want it and you know it .It is yours to have. You wonder if you want the right thing. What is right and what is wrong was defined by the laws that seem to have been written by this earth that has taken us to a far.