BookMark

It would be nice if life was like a logarithmic equation, with every turn of thought you find a way to find an answer and in that you will never get lost because everything will eventually equal. Finding the answers it always hard, but whats more harder is knowing which answer is the right one.

Finding the answers seem to dase my thoughts, pulling my into cracks beneath the floors, into the deep end of things.  The common understanding of right and wrong no longer crunch my quest for the rightness I long to understand and therefore introduse into my life I have been living. What you think of your experience will not come into hand to heal your step into the next chapter, slower reading, the words are more complicated so slowly pronouncing is needed to find your way down the story line. Is seems I’ve bookmarked too many articles for my learning I have missed what has infront of me not yet recognizable but visibly see. the lettering is perfect, but the spelling is off. The spacing is cramped and space is all I need to be able to

Life Laundry.

Life is complicated, painful and testy; looking around it’s just full of distortion

I wanted to kill the baby, I wished she had an abortion

This episode of life is full of commotion, this is just a notion I want to move away far from all the

Motion

Happiness to me seeming to only be a notion

Still and peaceful

I feel busted and unwanted, weak, lonely and broken hearted

My life is messed up, everyone acts so retarded

I want to have it all, shove it up your ass and show you how lucky I am a rewarded

Killing for no reason, shooting up for treason, this is the cold season

It’s 20 below freezing, my heart is busted up and bleeding, there’s so much I’m going to be needing, I’ll send you a great pink lovely greeting

I will never let you hurt my mother of let her be weeping, no one around me be creeping

My revenge will destroy your life all around you leaping

Reaping and heaping

This the beginning you ugly short fucked up beeping

I don’t understand why people lie, sell their loyalty and stab you right in the back

Hearts are cold, eye’s are blind, bodies full of crack

Do you got my back? Or should I stuff you in a sack, watch you suffocate and hack

The world is majestic and black, cold, hard, merciless hurry run down the track

I got nothing to pack

My pride is strong, I never did anything wrong

The journey of discovery is really long

Everything I ever wanted, everything I loved, cherished is all gone

Space of Error

Searing with confusion. A lush of feelings are veining my hands as I try to grasp my head with a toggle. Whisk backwards and close my eyes coping with the pressure of love. Is it love or the debut I have been subconsciously waiting for. When you are young, the process of learning and the learning process are two different things too big to comprehend yet too obvious to ignore. The miscalculated routes of unexpected situations leave you to the wolves to tackle the prize of the day…

Whatdoudo

What do you do when your stuck in a time in your life were you can’t do anything, you are paralyzed, to bow to your present and accept it, while blissfully hoping for a better tomorrow, only underneath you are a sad lonely depressed raging fire, who hates the world? Its suicide to feel hopeless, but even worse is being hopeless and knowing it. Living in a place where you have no control over your own life, and know the person who does have no idea what they are doing. Only selfless little fucks who think they know it all, have the answer to all, but most importantly believe the world should evolve around them. They are freaks of their own; you have been victimized by life and find it upon them selves to pay-up the favor. They think they are right, while the rest of us don’t have a clue. It is self pity to think so highly of yourself only to find you a weak little abandoned kitten, eating shit out of a dump. You are a missing soul, no one wants you; you are evil, and dirty.

The funny, yet best thing about life is that everything turns around. What you do in life, good or bad, will always come back and bite you in the ass. I like that. I try to do good as much as I can, with an open heart. I am waiting for my turn in life where I can be happy and I can do what I want, and I can fulfill my dreams. The unknown is truly the biggest fear, and fear is the bigger fear. I want to be stronger and rise higher, and prove everyone wrong. I want to hail and shine, rise and float. It’s difficult when life seems so slow, yet fast, and before you know it. Your life is flashing before you. I wonder if my dreams will ever come true. I wonder if I will ever be happy. Most days, I try not to think of it. I am tired of being depressed, and it’s much easier being in denial. I want so much, I wonder if it’s just too good to be true. I know I am strong and smart. I know I am different, and shine through. I will make it. I don’t know if karma will be on my side with this one. I hope it will. I am ranting, and I don’t know where to go with this. I only know that I have dreams and I am waiting for them to come to the door. I don’t mind doing the work as long as I get what I want. Life is shitty sometimes, the little moment make it special. I never realized that until I grew up. The special moments are candid and warming. I wish I can live my life in life’s little moments and smile through the adversity.

I am women, and I like to believe I am strong. I guess god tests me. I hope I am passing. My head is not where it’s supposed to be. I can’t focus anymore, and I am more tense and nervous. I don’t like where I am. I don’t trust many people; I keep most things to my self. I know my dad will betray me, he has before and he always will. Even though I have a family I don’t believe I can rely on them, and feel alone in this world. They will not do me good. They are in their own worlds and think about themselves. Each of us will walk a different path, and end up far away. I know.

The question of why.

Why does greatness die young, evil dies old.

Why does good hurt, and bad laugh.

Why do dreamers want it all, yet get nothing. Slacker get everything, yet wanting nothing.

Why does love leave when love is a peak of selfless passion.

Why does family hate you when you love them most.

Why are you abandoned at the door when your bleeding?

There are many more questions cruising through memories of a history book lost in the dust of time.

Why do the tear drops of the green eyes go unnoticed by the wavers of the hazel cold lover, gone with the wind of eternity. Never to come back, her eyes froze in time, soul released from ceasur.  Telling the tale of dripping ache.

N.A.

As Much As

As much as we love, as much as we feel, as much as we laugh and smile. As much as we dream and plan, as much as we’re romantic and lovable, gullible and sweet. As much as we are patient, as much as we help, we need, and as much as we want; we still need to remember that reality is the ultimate god of life. Reality is a deal breaker, a dream crusher, and a heart commutator. Not to be negative but we cloud our minds with deja vu and sweet lullabies we forget to think about the realism of life, and with that skipped thought we push ourselves to tumble into weed, crash into a wall, and cry out a river.

Think.

ALife

The Mastiff of Love

Snaking through the scales of skin, under the pours, beneath; blood dives of spats. The floors are covered of still stares, shock looms on dawn with the plan to retrieve her goods. The love that was not real, fake of manner, of vow but still owner of her first glare. She appeared as a victim of lust, not the shadow of innocence but the devil within disguise. How can she unravel the plans of deception and win the game of love which is not love but lust in her mind. She can lie; she can tell but with not face will show. Hidden behind the veil of ambiguity, sneer of trickery travel the vanes of mind. Ploy is the game of love. Item of winning, the ownership is the pride of the tribe. Control me no more love, but keep in distance of my eye for I can see your truth coming of light from thunderous skies they wept.

Earth Soul

A need for affection my heart is shallow, melted dripping the earth soiling the rock mountain of the shadows. A lace of freedom will need to fly the waters of heaven and the skies of seven. The layers of valves circled my body in an attempt to save the broken heart. The shell will break and pieces of the; will travel the earth to find perfection that is impossible. The possibility of chance is thrown out deep into the forest of my mind, tracing the traces of hope. Back into time we go and far too far for the eye can reach we travel, no our feet but our souls left briefly to find what we looked for, but never found. To ask a question that was forbidden still tickles my curiosity though making the lords angry with mercy of petty non sense. You are my child naive and clever they spoke one voice from the corners of the heavens carried by angels to my drums. I split a curve on my facade knowing the love was there for me to unearth.

Lord Tell

Shameless justice creeps past me. Enemied by the justice of our land. For there was no justice beneath me, only the shadows of the unjust rules of kings and commands of the commander under his souls of feet. I lay under the sun of the lords which shine the spy on me.
I see the blood of the child seeping through transparently, leaking into the solid rocks to the beds of oceans and rivers of Egypt. The sands of the desert came waling past, running from the truth of the current present they do not want. The want of peace has dies last day to remember, a vigil, a cry and even a tear was down dried by the sun again, spy no tear will fall on the solids and come near the hairs of innocent fallen. We will forget, as commanded and live with no hearts and no souls, no yeses and no no’s no mind and no thought will ever come across again.
The Arabs have arrived with gold, come to gift the knights of New England and prey upon us as we set to tell them their truth and lead them to follow me. Close your eyes and never awaken to your past truths god has given you, taught you the truth which you have forgotten.

I am a lost, Look for me, please. I am alone, I walk the side; no one at glance. The sadness has reaped me. I am broken, I weep the rain. Swallow before you jump…