Life Laundry.

Life is complicated, painful and testy; looking around it’s just full of distortion

I wanted to kill the baby, I wished she had an abortion

This episode of life is full of commotion, this is just a notion I want to move away far from all the

Motion

Happiness to me seeming to only be a notion

Still and peaceful

I feel busted and unwanted, weak, lonely and broken hearted

My life is messed up, everyone acts so retarded

I want to have it all, shove it up your ass and show you how lucky I am a rewarded

Killing for no reason, shooting up for treason, this is the cold season

It’s 20 below freezing, my heart is busted up and bleeding, there’s so much I’m going to be needing, I’ll send you a great pink lovely greeting

I will never let you hurt my mother of let her be weeping, no one around me be creeping

My revenge will destroy your life all around you leaping

Reaping and heaping

This the beginning you ugly short fucked up beeping

I don’t understand why people lie, sell their loyalty and stab you right in the back

Hearts are cold, eye’s are blind, bodies full of crack

Do you got my back? Or should I stuff you in a sack, watch you suffocate and hack

The world is majestic and black, cold, hard, merciless hurry run down the track

I got nothing to pack

My pride is strong, I never did anything wrong

The journey of discovery is really long

Everything I ever wanted, everything I loved, cherished is all gone

Whatdoudo

What do you do when your stuck in a time in your life were you can’t do anything, you are paralyzed, to bow to your present and accept it, while blissfully hoping for a better tomorrow, only underneath you are a sad lonely depressed raging fire, who hates the world? Its suicide to feel hopeless, but even worse is being hopeless and knowing it. Living in a place where you have no control over your own life, and know the person who does have no idea what they are doing. Only selfless little fucks who think they know it all, have the answer to all, but most importantly believe the world should evolve around them. They are freaks of their own; you have been victimized by life and find it upon them selves to pay-up the favor. They think they are right, while the rest of us don’t have a clue. It is self pity to think so highly of yourself only to find you a weak little abandoned kitten, eating shit out of a dump. You are a missing soul, no one wants you; you are evil, and dirty.

The funny, yet best thing about life is that everything turns around. What you do in life, good or bad, will always come back and bite you in the ass. I like that. I try to do good as much as I can, with an open heart. I am waiting for my turn in life where I can be happy and I can do what I want, and I can fulfill my dreams. The unknown is truly the biggest fear, and fear is the bigger fear. I want to be stronger and rise higher, and prove everyone wrong. I want to hail and shine, rise and float. It’s difficult when life seems so slow, yet fast, and before you know it. Your life is flashing before you. I wonder if my dreams will ever come true. I wonder if I will ever be happy. Most days, I try not to think of it. I am tired of being depressed, and it’s much easier being in denial. I want so much, I wonder if it’s just too good to be true. I know I am strong and smart. I know I am different, and shine through. I will make it. I don’t know if karma will be on my side with this one. I hope it will. I am ranting, and I don’t know where to go with this. I only know that I have dreams and I am waiting for them to come to the door. I don’t mind doing the work as long as I get what I want. Life is shitty sometimes, the little moment make it special. I never realized that until I grew up. The special moments are candid and warming. I wish I can live my life in life’s little moments and smile through the adversity.

I am women, and I like to believe I am strong. I guess god tests me. I hope I am passing. My head is not where it’s supposed to be. I can’t focus anymore, and I am more tense and nervous. I don’t like where I am. I don’t trust many people; I keep most things to my self. I know my dad will betray me, he has before and he always will. Even though I have a family I don’t believe I can rely on them, and feel alone in this world. They will not do me good. They are in their own worlds and think about themselves. Each of us will walk a different path, and end up far away. I know.

Evil Hero (part 1)

Part 1: Understanding the Devil

No, I’m not insane. Take your emotions out of the equation, think rationally, think with no heart.

Before I start writing, I looked up the definition of a hero, though many; the definition that feeds my goal can be summed as someone who fights for a cause. Not necessarily a good cause, a positive kind, genuine cause, but a cause nor good or bad.

A hero can be a person who fights for what they believe in, whither it is against your better belief. A hero can  be someone who achieves the impossible task of power. Power is corrupt, money is evil, power is corrupt. The struggle of any human to the top of the hierarchy is a heroic act of it’s won. Why? Because they have faced the demons of life, or reality, or metal emotion, or society. They scrapped the crap off toilets, and had their faces scraped with crap. They lived in poverty, they walked barefoot. Despite all evils of life they swerved, took a U turn into power. Not beautifying their actions, but admiring the wit of evil to commit anything.

They gambled with souls, they puzzled innocence. There was no force of evil more evil, ever inhabiting the earth other than Adolf Hitler. Before we get into analysis of the character of a monster, let’s state some facts that do quality as odd defying odds categorized as an accomplishment. Each evil hero came pushed though the odds of:

1. Dysfunctional family (abandoned by father/mother), abusive step-parent.
2. Abused, tarnished mother.
3. Poor and/or Poverty stricken.
4. Educational disputes (leave school, bullied, etc), rejected from Educational institute.
5. Homeless, struggling in early adult life.

Through my struggle to understand the human fate I realize that the evil are the most passionate and emotional struggling with their own emotions coming with the pain of the past and justifying a place in the present and future proving their capabilities to those who doubted and laughed.

Thought

What do you do when the ultimiate power is gone, and your heart has been invaded.  The track of thought tumbles with an unnoticed speed dumd ahead of thought.

Shadow

The shadow of my eyes holds the dealings of wake less nights where I slept no more. The memories of pain settled upon my shadows as they escaped the cells of my memory and the skin of my forehead to speak under the shadow lurking as a subtle reminder of kin. What have I done to mend no heart and to speak no laughter? I am the child of god, bear into the harsh realities of reality. My shadows have beautifully flourished the tire of my intellect thought. I gasp to cover the found shadows of the face of the eye of what is me. I agree to adopt the shadows will; only to own my deals I have made in this so called life. This shadow was before a haunting creature of no features, no face, no feeling, and no soul. A blank circle around and around it went. It followed the unwilling to steal the daylight upon an invite to the night. It was friendly with the night; it stayed active and alive circling me like a cloud of grey rain.